Anger management in Islam
كظم الغيظ فى
الإسلام
Although anger is a natural feeling it can have negative effects on
those who allow it to control them, and adverse effects on those around
them. Anger can destroy relationships, health, property, and
livelihood. Uncontrolled anger is one of the tools of Satan and it can
lead to many evils and tragedies. For this reason Islam has a great deal
to say about the emotion of anger.
Because anger is often associated with ‘fight or flight responses’, it
is often difficult to separate an action that is done in self-defence (or to
protect properties or families) from one that is done out of uncontrolled
rage. It is ok to feel anger but it is not acceptable when a person
allows it to overtake him and drive him to act in an unacceptable way,
sometimes even leading to murder and mayhem. The story of an event in the life of one of Prophet Muhammad’s companions,
his son-in-law Ali, demonstrates the difference.
Ali ibn Abi Talib was once fighting in a war, when the leader of the
non-Muslim army attacked him. During the confrontation, Ali managed to
overcome him and was on the verge of killing him, when his opponent spat in
Ali’s face. Ali immediately stepped back and left the man alone.
The man said, “You could have killed me, why did you stop? Ali answered, “I
have no personal animosity toward you. I was fighting you because of your
disbelief in and rebellion against God. If I had killed you after you
spat in my face, it would have been because of my personal anger and desire for
revenge, which I do not wish to take.”
The Prophet once asked his Companions, “Whom among you do you consider a
strong man?” They replied, “The one who can defeat so-and-so in a wrestling
contest.” He said, “That is not so; a strong man is the one who can control
himself when he is angry”. [1]
As always if a person is unsure about how to act in any situation he
need only look to Prophet Muhammad or our righteous predecessors to find the
best way to act. Prophet Muhammad was known as a man who could and would
even under dire circumstances control his anger. One day the Prophet was
attacked by a Bedouin, who seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, the
marks left on his neck could be seen by his companions. The Bedouin
demanded Prophet Muhammad give him some of the wealth. The Prophet (who
had every right to be angry) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he
(the Bedouin) should be given something agreeable to him. [2]
We can also follow the example of the Prophet by making our anger for
the sake of God, when His rights are violated. This is the kind of
controlled anger which is praiseworthy. Prophet Muhammad became angry
when he was told about the imam who was putting people off the prayer by
making it too long, when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate creatures,
and when he was asked questions that he disliked. However his anger was
purely for the sake of God, he did not fly off the handle, rant and rave, or
make people fear to be in his presence.
When Prophet Mohammad became angry due to someone’s incorrect actions or
their words, he never expressed it with his hand and used only mild words.
In fact those that did not know him well did not even suspect that he was
angry. His companions however, knew that he was angry by just looking at
him; his face would turn red and his forehead would be beaded with sweat.
However rather than expressing his anger openly he would be quiet, using those
first moments to control himself.
Controlling anger is a sign of righteousness. A righteous person
is promised Paradise and one of the characteristics of righteousness is being
able to control anger.
“And march forth in the way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord,
and for Paradise as wide as the heavens and the earth, prepared for the
pious. Those who spend (in God’s Cause) in prosperity and in adversity,
who repress anger, and who pardon the people; verily, God loves the
good-doers.”(Quran 3:133-134)
“So whatever you have been given is but (a passing) enjoyment for this
worldly life, but that which is with God (Paradise) is better and more lasting
for those who believe and put their trust in their Lord. And those who
avoid the greater sins, and illegal sexual intercourse, and when they are
angry, they forgive.” (Quran 42:36 & 37)
Anger is a very natural human emotion; it is also very powerful and can
vary in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. The
latter can be destructive. It can rage through a person, creating a
desire for revenge and pushing a person to strike out at the object of his
anger. Because it is natural it is impossible for a person to avoid it
completely. It is however possible to understand anger and thus control
it.
When a person becomes angry, whether as a result of provocation or not,
he has the choice to control his anger by responding to it in a way sanctioned
by the Quran and the traditions of Prophet Muhammad or he could give in to the
wave of emotion and behave in a way that displeases God but delights Satan.
In the era when it appears that Islam is being denigrated all over the
globe many Muslims are letting their anger get the better of them. Yes it
hurts to have our religion and our beloved prophet abused and vilified, but as
believers we should not let our emotions dictate our actions. Actions are
to be based on divine knowledge and wisdom. We cannot completely stop
those who tarnish Islam with their lies and deception but we can control
ourselves, educate the masses, and take other positive steps legislated by
Islam.
In part 2 we will look at examples of how to behave when angry, taken
from the Quran and the traditions of Prophet Muhammad.
Anger is able to destroy lives and relationships and
Prophet Muhammad called it a hot coal on the heart of a descendant of Adam.
[3] There is no fool proof way to
completely eliminate anger because it is a natural human emotion. Islam
however gives us many examples of how to control anger and how to channel it
into acceptable actions. There are also distinct advantages to following
the guidelines set out in Islam. It pleases God, and the person
controlling their anger is rewarded. The Prophet said, “If anyone
suppresses anger when he is in a position to give vent to it, God, the exalted,
will call him on the Day of Resurrection and ask him to choose from the rewards
offered.” [4]
He also said, “No one has swallowed back anything more excellent in
the sight of God, who is Great and Glorious, than anger, seeking to please
God.” [5]
Once a man came to Prophet Mohammad and said, “Messenger
of God, teach me some words which I can live by. Do not make them too
much for me, in case I forget.” He said, “Do not be angry.”
[6]
Further to that in the traditions of the Prophet we are able to find many
instances of how to behave when anger threatens to engulf us or burst
out. He said, “If one of you becomes angry while standing he
should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he
should lie down”. [7]
The Prophet also advised us that performing ablution was an acceptable
method of anger management. He said, “Anger comes from Satan, Satan
was created from fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when any of
you is angry, he should perform ablution”. [8]
In addition the Prophet Muhammad suggested that when
angry a believer could try other methods to rid himself from the influence of
Satan. He once advised a man who was angry and fighting, to seek refuge
in God from the influence of Satan. Prophet Muhammad said to his
companions, “I know words that if he were to say them his anger would go
away, if he said, “I seek refuge with Allah from Satan,” what he feels would go
away.” [9]
Imam Ahmad recorded that Prophet Muhammad also advised
that “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” If a
person is trying to be silent, it will obviously restrict his ability to fight
or utter obscenities and harsh words. In another tradition Prophet
Muhammad offered a sequence of actions to defuse anger. “If any of you
becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away;
if it does not go away, let him lie down.” [10]
Thus we find that Islam offers a person several ways to
control the very natural emotion of anger. To begin with a person should
change his position. For example, if one is standing he should sit down;
if he is already sitting he should lie down. An angry person could make
ablution and offer two or more extra units of prayer; or he could seek refuge
in God from the angry effects Satan has over him and finally he could try to
focus on the rewards God offers those who are patient, merciful and inclined to
forgive rather than hold a grudge.
The Quran defines righteous people as,
“Those who spend (in God’s Cause) in prosperity and in adversity, who
repress anger, and who pardon the people; verily, God loves the good-doers.”
(Quran 3:134).
Prophet Muhammad himself demonstrated enormous
restraint and patience when he was insulted, belittled and beaten. As his
beloved wife Aisha said, ‘His character was just (a reflection of) the Quran’.
[11]
At a very difficult time in his life Prophet Muhammad
went to the city of Taif hoping to find people who would listen to, and support,
his message to humanity. Instead of support he found men women and
children who insulted and chased him out of town. With his sandals
covered in blood and his heart full of sadness, he prayed to God for
help. In response, the Angel of the Mountains was sent down and he asked
for the Prophet’s permission to cause the mountains surrounding Taif to
crumble, killing all of the city’s inhabitants. Despite his pain and
suffering something he had every right to be angry about, the Prophet’s reply
was, “No, for I hope that Allah will bring forth from their progeny people
who will worship God Alone, and none besides Him.” [12]
Anger management in Islam can be summed up as follows.
· Seek refuge in God, from the
ploys of Satan.
· Make ablution, because water
extinguishes fire.
· Change positions, if you are
standing, sit, if you are sitting, lie down. A person lying down cannot
engage in fisticuffs or destroy property.
· Remove yourself from the
situation. This could be likened to our modern equivalent, time
out.
· Be silent, words spoken in
anger cannot be taken back.
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